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Most of my life I was a top. I attempted to bottom a few times, but the pain was too great. Still I felt that I was missing something. What was it about being a bottom that so many men love? Whatever it was, I wanted the experience and I knew I would have to suffer a little to get there. I would go out thinking that night would be the night that I bit the bullet, I would be ready, yet somehow, I would always end up on top. One evening I did hook up with a great looking man. Back at his place, and not knowing the direction the evening would go, I did my first time on the bottom. The man was kind, took a lot of time, massaged me, worked to loosen me up, gave me poppers to help, and talked to me the entire time, telling me exactly what he was doing and what he was going to do. I could not have asked for a better top. Except for one thing, his cock was big and thick. It was a great deal of pain, but he managed to get in all the way and get off. While it hurt like hell something about it. .." "But you said that this is what you wanted. You told me that you wanted me to hurt you... that you *needed* for me to hurt you. Catharsis and all that... remember that conversation?" I crack the whip against my leg for emphasis. "Yes. I remember it and I still want it and I want you to hurt me but I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared..." Your voice keeps ramping up in pitch, and I'm afraid that soon it will be out of my range of hearing, so I cover your mouth with my hand to stop you. "You don't have anything to be afraid of. If you safeword, I'll stop. If you pass out, I'll stop." You shake your head, so I assume you want to speak, and pull my hand away. "I'm not safe wording... I'm just telling you..." "You're not safe wording? So, this is until you pass out... hmmmmm... maybe I should call someone over to let me know when that happens..." You shake your head violently, then close your eyes and try to calm yourself down. "I didn't mean that. I'm not safe wording *now*... not yet...".
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